cracked

Future archaeologists, shoveling through the stinking heaps of 21st century landfill may look with wonder at the small scraps of paper that constitute the physical evidence of our Christmas comedy tastes, struck by their sheer feebleness.

But of course, that’s the whole point of a cracker joke.So, what if they were compiled by someone with similar interests – say perhaps a fellow archaeologist…? Bang goes the cracker, on goes the paper hat. And here we go…

Q. What do you get in a 5 star pyramid?
A. A tomb with a view

Q. How do you ring an Egyptian doorbell?
A. Toot-an’-come-in

(Don’t try to suppress the giggle)

Q. What do you call a very, very, very, very, very old joke?
A. Pre-hysterical

Q. Who invented pens?
A. The Inkas

(Come on now you know you want to)

Q. Why was the pottery specialist upset?
A. She got fired

Q. Why are archaeologists greedy?
A. Because we’ll have archaic, and eat it too

(If your sides aren’t aching now there’s something wrong with you)

Q. Why is it always good to marry an archaeologist?
A. Because the older you get the more interested they will be in you

And for those who think the classics are the best… (if anyone complains that these jokes are old, you can correct them – they’re ancient).

Q. How do you entertain a bored pharaoh?
A. You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish
(Umm… yeah that one’s from the Westcar papyrus and dates to 1,600 BC)

Q. What did the king say when the court barber asked how he wanted his hair cut?
A.
‘In silence.’
(From the Philogelos or ‘Laughter-Lover’ the oldest known joke book which dates to 4th-5th Century AD)

Q. What did the woman who was blind in one eye say to her husband of 20 years when he found another woman and said to her, ‘I shall divorce you because you are said to be blind in one eye.’?
A. ‘Have you just discovered that after 20 years of marriage?’
(Egyptian circa 1100 BC)

Ok, we’ll stop now we promise.

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Aisling Serrant

An all round museum educator and enthusiast, Aisling's the Family Festival Coordinator at the Museum of London Docklands.

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