Sick of Trump in your timeline and want a break? Sorry, someone’s started a Twitter parody of him as an early medieval king called Donaeld The Unready and it’s too good not to share.
The bio has him down as “The best early medieval King out there. I’m just great. I’m the bretwalda. The bestwalda. I’ve got great swords, everyone says so. Make Mercia Great Again” and the tweets are alt-history gold. Calling the Anglo-Saxon Chronicle a ‘rag’, dismissing Bede as ‘Grandad’, Donaeld The Unready rants at Canute the ‘loser’ and is soon yelling about draining the Fens. Here’s a few of our faves in no particular order:
Canute. What a loser. Can’t even hold back the sea. It’s just water. We’re going to be so tough on the sea. Canute was too soft. Sad.
— Donaeld The Unready (@donaeldunready) February 4, 2017
To be fair, King Canute comes back with some pretty good retorts:
Why won’t @donaeldunready release his manor rolls? He claims to be wealthy, but he was destitute just a few years ago. Perhaps he still is?
— King Cnut the Great (@CanutusRex) February 6, 2017
But back to Donaeld:
Lying Monk Bede talks down Mercia, makes Northumbria look great. All lies! Mercia has the best land, best farms, best warriors. FACT.
— Donaeld The Unready (@donaeldunready) February 6, 2017
Fake Chronicler and bad monk Bede says Mercia not Great anymore. Total lies. We will be the greatest kingdom. Best farms. Best Swords. FACT
— Donaeld The Unready (@donaeldunready) February 6, 2017
Third Rate “Kings” in East Anglia corrupt! No attempt to drain the Fens. Perfect place for no good Grendal to hide. Get Wise! DRAIN THE FENS
— Donaeld The Unready (@donaeldunready) February 6, 2017
Don’t read the Anglo-Saxon Chronicle. It’s a rag. No wonder it’s struggling. We are just having a few technical issues with our torches
— Donaeld The Unready (@donaeldunready) February 6, 2017
If Northumbrian monks are so holy, why put them on an island where no one can check up on them? Wake up guys! What are they hiding from?
— Donaeld The Unready (@donaeldunready) February 6, 2017
The threat from radical Vikings is real! I’ve banned all longships until we can find out what is going on! No dragonheads here! #mmga
— Donaeld The Unready (@donaeldunready) February 7, 2017
Weak Loser Wessex monk Asser saying I’m not devout enough. No one’s more devout than me! My monasteries are basically made of gold. FACT.
— Donaeld The Unready (@donaeldunready) February 7, 2017
Why Alfred “the Great”? Nothing great about hiding in a swamp. Coward and bad king. Tried to make a deal with the Danes, bad business! Sad.
— Donaeld The Unready (@donaeldunready) February 6, 2017
So called Bishop of Lichfield says Christians should be humble. I’m so humble, I’m the best at being humble. All my thegns know that.
— Donaeld The Unready (@donaeldunready) February 6, 2017
No one has more respect for nuns than me. Ask anybody. Everyone knows. It’s a beautiful sight, them falling to their knees in prayer. Great.
— Donaeld The Unready (@donaeldunready) February 5, 2017
Cadwallon fake king of Gwynedd needs to learn manners! Saying no one came to my crowning. Lies! All of Mercia came, the tapestries show it!
— Donaeld The Unready (@donaeldunready) February 5, 2017
Also, one last thing:
Every Brit who relishes the parody. Please help resistance. E.g. send a card to President Bannon at 1600 Mass ave. or phone a Trump hotel. https://t.co/3tD1iqDgz5
— AlcuinsLibrary (@AlcuinsLibrary) February 7, 2017